mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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