I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize