It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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