Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
