So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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