My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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