I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
