I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
