You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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