and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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