The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
