So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
