I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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