There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
