Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
