their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
