we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
