So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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