Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
