if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
