So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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