I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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