you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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