I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
