is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
