were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
