in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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