the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize