Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
