He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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