Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
