You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You took a bar mat shot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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