next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
