Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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