and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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