lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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