R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
