At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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