Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
