My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize