Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
