His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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