who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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