3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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