remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
don't judge my taste in strippers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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