I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
