Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
