hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
