Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
