I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
