I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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