I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize