I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
