I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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