all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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