i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize