you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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