no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
