I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
